Foreign Relations

     As I plan (and pack!) for my upcoming expedition to China, I have been thinking about my racial heritage. Being a Chinese adoptee living in America has never been unusual to me. I've always been aware of the fact that I was adopted, there was never an 'aha!' moment when I realized that I was different. However, I feel that I stand out the most when I'm actually *in* China. In a sea of one billion faces, you couldn't differentiate between me and the average Chinese girl. Perhaps I am the only one that can see the difference, but I am glaringly self-aware of my Western tendencies when I am in the People's Republic. It doesn't help that I'm always accompanied by a group of tourists that walk around with fanny-packs strapped around their waists. I feel torn between my American background and my Chinese heritage. This, perhaps, is why I am dreading this upcoming trip. I'm so excited to see my family, but at the same time I know that it will be another fiasco of sorts. Instead of visiting my family and getting to know them, it will probably be some "great experience" for the other members of our tourist group. I want to go to China and be immersed in the culture and soak up every thing that I can. I want to walk the streets without feeling like I'm on some trip to "see how other people live". These issues that international adoptees face are just added stress when trying to figure out everything else that is up in the air as a teenager.